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Life With Louie
Friday, December 21, 2001 - 1:37 AM
Heh. Man, how much ass does this kick? Louie Anderson is, hands down, the coolest guy on earth. Louie has this little hot blonde chick he obviously pays to walk around with him. Man, she was hot. I wish I had money like him. I was surprised at how good the guy smeels. He didn't smell like cologne or anything, just a really natural pleasant odour. Only noticable if you're hugging the guy. He was shopping for glasses when I first ran into him. I ran to get my camera and when I came back he was gone. With tears rolling down me cheek I headed to Burger King to grab one of those chicken sandwich things to try and ease away the pain. And guess who I saw? I'll give you a hint. It was Louie Anderson. So I sat with him and had a chat with him and his hoe. He sounds just like he does in the cartoons. It's classic. I made use of the hoe and got her to take some video footage. "Press the red button." I said. "Which one? What does it mean when "Low Battery" is on the screen?" Sheesh. If only her boobs were brains. She'd be a genius. I don't feel like writing anymore, and since it's my site and I can do anything I want, I'm gonna stop now.
[Marty]
Tears shed under the equator
Friday, December 7, 2001 - 4:12 PM
Well this is it. This is my last day in the country of Australia. It's all gone by so fast, I can't believe it's really over. I'm taking the 10:10am flight on Air New Zealand tomorrow to Aukland, and then after about an hour in the airport, I'm off to Rarotonga. It'll be 10 days in Raro, and then finally, on the 20th of December, I will arrive home, to the bitter coldness of a freezing winter in Vancouver BC.
Thanks goes out to all my new best friends, Jess, Rosie, Talitha, Teagan, Rory, Sam, Emma, Marty AU, Lee, Jo'el, Jasmin, Louise, Amanda, Tom, Scott (for helping me survive through MSN), Dimity, Clara, Angelica (hah!), Mr. Wall (for passing me even though I bludged the whole year), Mack, Sherry, Ashlee, Naomi, Michelle, Tye, Cory, Jeremy, ummm... Rachel, uhh... I dunno. EVERYBODY! You all rule like kung fu! Thank you all so much for making this year bearable. As for anyone else, if I forgot you I'm sorry.
Obviously, I won't be updating for awhile. I'm gonna be in a tropical paradise for ten days, and then when I get home, I presume I'm gonna be pretty busy for the first few days. So let's say two weeks. I'll try to update in two weeks. Not a promise, but more of a resolution. And since I won't be in Australia anymore, I'm gonna be giving the site a much deserved facelift. Things will be very different around here. But that won't be for awhile. So until the next update, enjoy what's here. Thanks again to everyone, and Canada, HERE I COME BABY!!
[Marty]
A journey into toenail removal
Tuesday, December 4, 2001 - 4:12 PM
Well, I got the left half of my toenail removed today. And I must admit. It was the grossest, coolest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I'm punching myself repeadedly in the head for forgetting to bring my digital camera along for the ride with me. It would have made for a great video. But I'll bring it along tomorrow when I get my bandage changed.
It was amazing how the doctor went about it actually. It was just like something out of a scary movie. First, he wrapped a big elastic band around my toe and left me for about five minutes until it had turned a lighter colour than the rest of my foot.
Next, he pulled out three little cartriges of this 'Lignocaine Hydrochloride' as he called it. It was basically a local anaesthetic. He placed one into the center compartment of this gigantic metal sarynge needle. It was so cool. Huge long shiny needlepoint with those two creepy rings to put your fingers in at the base unit. He stuck it into the top of my toe and emptied the whole thing....very slooowly... My toe actually INFLATED at the point around the needle.
"That hurt!" I told him.
"Really?" he asked, as if shocked by the comment. I noticed he was attempting to keep eye contact with me so I wouldn't notice he was releasing the empty Xylocaine cartrige and replacing it with a new one. "If you thought that was bad, I suggest you hold onto something." He jabbed the needle into the left side of my toe and once again, emptied the drug into my defenceless, now purple toe.
"Ow! Take it easy!" I shouted. Obviously to no effect, as he once again replaced the cartige with a fresh one. But by this time, the painkiller had begun to work, and I didn't even feel the needle break the skin. He smiled, pulled out the needle, and left the room.
Every few minutes, he'd come back in and tap my toe.
"You feel that?" He'd ask.
"Yeah."
"Okay." He'd force a toothy smile and go back to the next room. After about fifteen minutes, he came in with what appeared to be a pair of pliers he bought from the local hardware shop five minutes ago. He held my toe firmly and placed the metal tool to my toe. "Let me know if you feel anything." he said. He fumbled around for a moment, in attempt to get a better grip, and then forced the pliers under my toenail. He pushed it up, and then cut vertically at the halfway mark in my toe. He then gave it a good yank at the cuticle and there it went. Half of my toenail. Gone. A sea of blood and puss ensued with a vengance, so he wrapped three layers of 'Special doctor's cleanex tissue' around it, followed by a toe bandage.
"That was the coolest thing I have ever seen" I muttured, trying to replace my shoe.
"You need to get out more." He replied, cleaning up his mess.
So here I am. A man with only nine and a half toe nails. Or nineteen and a half nails in all. Does the fact that I only have half a toenail mean I'm only half a man? I THINK NOT! For you see, I completed toenail revoval surgery whilst only using painkiller drugs that, upon closer inspection, expired a year ago this month. Weird hey? These drugs expired at the same time I first lay foot on the sunburnt country of Australia. If that's not food for thought, I don't know what is.
[Marty]
The festering cespool which has become of my lower half
Sunday, December 2, 2001 - 4:12 PM
It all started when I stubbed my toe. I think. Being in the warm, moist climate I live in, pretty much anything will get infected. So, my toe decided to puff up like Rikki Lake. Bigger and bigger it got. This picture was taken in it's beginning stage. I'm sorry I didn't get one a couple days later because it got WAAAAY worse. After walking with a limp for about three days I decided maybe seeing a doctor would be smart. He told me I had a staff infection and may need to have my toenail removed. Not the best news.
I asked if there was any other way, and he showed me some gory pictures from a cool book he had. "People die from this..." he said, pointing to a picture of a pair of bruised, black feet under a sheet. "Either you lose the toenail or you may need to lose the toe."
After a day or two of consideration, I decided the toenail was probably the best option. So I get it removed on Tuesday. Until then I have to wear this weird 'foot cast' to squeeze the puss out. Gross. It can't get wet, so I can't swim. And I have to wrap a plastic bag around my foot when I shower. What a way to spend my last week in Australia.
[Marty]
Jet Set Intergalactic
Wednesday, November 28, 2001 - 3:49 PM
Self Expression
[Marty]
Signs of life from down under
Saturday, November 24, 2001 - 4:10 PM
Well looky here! It turns out I'm still alive! No matter what you may have heard, yes, I still exist. I've been busy counting down the days until me sweet return home. from today, one month 'till I get home. Or two weeks 'till I leave Aussie for the Cooks. Either way, the clock is ticking. School is over this week, only 5 days to go. Well, make that 4. The last day's an excursion to Cairns to see Harry Potter.
In any case, Jessica's party was lastnight, and boy was that a good time? Alcohol thrown around like bombs over Afghanistan, girls flashing their underwear at every given oppertunity, and some decent hip hop music thanks to yours truly. My drinks of choice proved to be Red Bear Vodka in assorted flavours. I think my favourite was the blueberry.
I had a bit of a reow with Jess for reason's which will not be posted here, but I think I've sorted things out. It was all sprouted from one big misunderstanding blazed horribly out of proportion. So if you're reading this Jess, I meant what I said, and I was on my best behavior lastnight. But don't worry, I like things just the way they are. That's all for now. Peash.
[Marty]
So fresh 'n' so clean...
Thursday, October 11, 2001 - 1:41 PM
Another fresh news page, and a nice clean feeling on my whole site. Isn't life grand? I added a 'home' link on all pages in my site so you can get back here easily. Not that you'd want to though.
[Marty]
Browse my news archives
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Aaaah! These bubbles are stupid! I'm coming home... December 23rd.
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